"The friendship that can cease has never been real."- Saint Jerome
A couple of months ago, I had a terrible bump in the road of life. I lost a good friend. Not only was I ashamed, I was devastated. Completely, utterly devastated. This person I had not known long, but time was not an indicator of the depth of our friendship. At least that is how I felt. This person didn’t pass away, or move from the area, she was taken away from me by someone that was envious of the friendship we shared.
By no means am I the type of person who likes to play the victim role. But I really felt like I had been a victim of circumstance and evil. I was made to be the bad person in a situation that should never have been. I was told that I was a horrible friend and a horrible person for having an opinion. It hurt. More than words can express. It cut deep, tore through the sole. I really spent time questioning myself and the person I always thought I was.
Was I truly a bad person? Was I a crappy friend? Did I intentionally hurt people? I couldn’t find the answer within myself. So I just slowly closed myself off from other people. This went on for several weeks and it broke my spirit. I wasn’t really the person I should have been, that I had always been.
I eventually moved on from the drama and bull that had been crowding my head. I understood that these people would never be in my life and that it might be for the best. I don’t need anyone in my life that is going to make me feel less that what I KNOW I am. I am not a mean person; I am not a bad friend. As a matter of fact, my true friends understand me and that’s what matters. My best friends knows that when I tell her something that might be harsh or sting that I am doing it for the love that I have for her.
I have only wanted the best for my friends. No matter how close or how deep our friendship runs. I want nothing but happiness and health for those I love. I truly love my friends. If we don’t talk for months or we talk everyday. My friends are an important factor in my life. I would do anything that I could possibly do to help a friend in need.
I thought I had been that friend. I thought I had been supportive, caring, a good listener, advice giver, and all around good friend. So when I found out that I was thought of as a horrible friend and person, it was crushing. It was also easy to get over. I realized some time after that I wasn’t the bad person, I wasn’t the bad friend. But in all honesty if that’s what they choose to believe then that’s their choice. I’ll pray for them to see the truth and one day realize that I wasn’t who they thought I was.
Just the other day the friend that I had lost, returned to my life. It was a bittersweet moment. But one I will cherish, should everything be as it was at one time. The reason I say it was a bittersweet moment, is that I missed this person tremendously. This person, I hadn’t gotten so close with that I felt as if she had been part of my life since childhood. But at the same time, I wasn’t sure if anything would come between us again like it had months before. But I realize that that is something only time will tell and if I look at our friendship as a trial then our friendship will never be what it was. It will be my fault this time that something comes between us. I won’t let that something be me or my doubts and insecurities.
It felt amazing when my friend told me that she had missed me as I had missed her. That I was a good friend to her. It made such a difference knowing that she had thought that I was, when at one time I seriously questioned myself. I spoke with her on the phone for the first time in months and the oddest thing happened. It was like we had picked up where we left off, as if nothing had happened at all. It didn’t feel like months later it felt like the next day. At the moment I knew that I had found my friend. I knew that we were meant to be friends, we were meant to be in each others lives in some capacity. I am eternally grateful that all seems to be working itself out.
After all this time our friendship has been renewed. I hope it stays this way because I don’t think I can mentally take on another defeat. Time heals all. Time is like a Band-Aid, it eventually helps in the healing process. Open communication also. I hope to be able to communicate at full length face to face how all of this has affected us as individuals, since we both now how it has affected our friendship firsthand.
I will always remember the long road this friendship has traveled. I will always carry in my heart the pain in which I felt for a while. But I know that I am a good friend and I will always be a good friend to those I have in my life and will have in my life. I will always keep close to me that a storm is always on the horizon, it’s only a matter of how you weather that storm. Staying strong and firm in your beliefs and true to yourself will be the only way to protect and save yourself. Only you can be your best friend, when there is no one left and you are alone, there is only you to comfort yourself. The only way to be a good friend in return is to be good to yourself. You can’t make others happy if you yourself are not. You can’t love others if you can’t love yourself. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing that your happiness, the love for yourself and your overall well being depends solely on yourself. Friendship is just an added bonus. A great bonus if you find true friends.
I think I have found a true friend.
* Picture is a manipulation of several images that I compiled from stock images.
A couple of months ago, I had a terrible bump in the road of life. I lost a good friend. Not only was I ashamed, I was devastated. Completely, utterly devastated. This person I had not known long, but time was not an indicator of the depth of our friendship. At least that is how I felt. This person didn’t pass away, or move from the area, she was taken away from me by someone that was envious of the friendship we shared.
By no means am I the type of person who likes to play the victim role. But I really felt like I had been a victim of circumstance and evil. I was made to be the bad person in a situation that should never have been. I was told that I was a horrible friend and a horrible person for having an opinion. It hurt. More than words can express. It cut deep, tore through the sole. I really spent time questioning myself and the person I always thought I was.
Was I truly a bad person? Was I a crappy friend? Did I intentionally hurt people? I couldn’t find the answer within myself. So I just slowly closed myself off from other people. This went on for several weeks and it broke my spirit. I wasn’t really the person I should have been, that I had always been.
I eventually moved on from the drama and bull that had been crowding my head. I understood that these people would never be in my life and that it might be for the best. I don’t need anyone in my life that is going to make me feel less that what I KNOW I am. I am not a mean person; I am not a bad friend. As a matter of fact, my true friends understand me and that’s what matters. My best friends knows that when I tell her something that might be harsh or sting that I am doing it for the love that I have for her.
I have only wanted the best for my friends. No matter how close or how deep our friendship runs. I want nothing but happiness and health for those I love. I truly love my friends. If we don’t talk for months or we talk everyday. My friends are an important factor in my life. I would do anything that I could possibly do to help a friend in need.
I thought I had been that friend. I thought I had been supportive, caring, a good listener, advice giver, and all around good friend. So when I found out that I was thought of as a horrible friend and person, it was crushing. It was also easy to get over. I realized some time after that I wasn’t the bad person, I wasn’t the bad friend. But in all honesty if that’s what they choose to believe then that’s their choice. I’ll pray for them to see the truth and one day realize that I wasn’t who they thought I was.
Just the other day the friend that I had lost, returned to my life. It was a bittersweet moment. But one I will cherish, should everything be as it was at one time. The reason I say it was a bittersweet moment, is that I missed this person tremendously. This person, I hadn’t gotten so close with that I felt as if she had been part of my life since childhood. But at the same time, I wasn’t sure if anything would come between us again like it had months before. But I realize that that is something only time will tell and if I look at our friendship as a trial then our friendship will never be what it was. It will be my fault this time that something comes between us. I won’t let that something be me or my doubts and insecurities.
It felt amazing when my friend told me that she had missed me as I had missed her. That I was a good friend to her. It made such a difference knowing that she had thought that I was, when at one time I seriously questioned myself. I spoke with her on the phone for the first time in months and the oddest thing happened. It was like we had picked up where we left off, as if nothing had happened at all. It didn’t feel like months later it felt like the next day. At the moment I knew that I had found my friend. I knew that we were meant to be friends, we were meant to be in each others lives in some capacity. I am eternally grateful that all seems to be working itself out.
After all this time our friendship has been renewed. I hope it stays this way because I don’t think I can mentally take on another defeat. Time heals all. Time is like a Band-Aid, it eventually helps in the healing process. Open communication also. I hope to be able to communicate at full length face to face how all of this has affected us as individuals, since we both now how it has affected our friendship firsthand.
I will always remember the long road this friendship has traveled. I will always carry in my heart the pain in which I felt for a while. But I know that I am a good friend and I will always be a good friend to those I have in my life and will have in my life. I will always keep close to me that a storm is always on the horizon, it’s only a matter of how you weather that storm. Staying strong and firm in your beliefs and true to yourself will be the only way to protect and save yourself. Only you can be your best friend, when there is no one left and you are alone, there is only you to comfort yourself. The only way to be a good friend in return is to be good to yourself. You can’t make others happy if you yourself are not. You can’t love others if you can’t love yourself. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing that your happiness, the love for yourself and your overall well being depends solely on yourself. Friendship is just an added bonus. A great bonus if you find true friends.
I think I have found a true friend.
* Picture is a manipulation of several images that I compiled from stock images.
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