Death Becomes Her

So, the new season of The Hills airs this Tuesday. I'm not a religious fanatic about it but I like to watch. So what if I set my DVR for it, I just hate watching commercials. I finally caught a preview of the upcoming season. WTF!!

WTF did Heidi do to her self? She looks ridonkulous! Scary in fact! The worst part is when it shows her asking her mom if she thinks she is pretty. Cut to mummified face! I about fell out of my chair! Poor child. Did she really pay money for that? Or was it like some new surgeon hit the town and offered up some freebies?

To be honest, when Heidi first hit the scene in the first season of The Hills, I didn't really know who she was. I also didn't think she was the most beautiful woman on the face of the Earth. But she was cute. I could see how men could be attracted to her. After she had her first encounter with plastic surgery, she looked tons better. It wasn't a drastic change in her looks, more like an enhancement. I thought she was beautiful. Now THIS?! It's gross. How could this 20 something year old woman do this to her self? She looks like all those 60 something L.A. women who aren't just plastic, they are mummified.

Her surgeries were unnecessary and horrendous in my opinion. Terrible. She really looks like a mummy! What tomb did they find her in? This girl has to live like this and don't EVEN suggest she have corrective surgery. Poor girl will look worse than she already does. Why did she do this? First I guess I should ask who talked her into it? Doesn't this poor child have friends? Or has her "husband" completely ran all of them off?

I can tell you that if ever a friend of mine wanted to do something as drastic as that to their face, I'd offer up free surgery in the form of a bitch slap! It wasn't like Heidi was old and had a sagging problem. Shit the girl was pretty. How can she seriously look in the mirror and think that monster looking back is beautiful?

It just goes to show that the women are never satisfied with how they look. Some of us just chose to live with what we have. We were made this way for a reason. My nose is big and somewhat puggy but it's my nose! My boobs aren't the perkiest of fellows, but they look great in a push up bra! A lot cheaper than thousands!

I just think its time for us as a society to stop focusing on what we look like and start focusing on building self esteem, intelligence, personalities! If you put a guy in a room with three women, one being skinny and beautiful with the personality of a dirty tampon, one that is average and has a decent personality but but dumb as a box of rocks, and a fat chick with a great personality and smart as hell; who do you think said guy would chose? The dirty tampon!

It's just sad that women feel the need to perfect something that sometimes needs no perfecting. We as women should be proud of who we are. We should have more to offer the world than a beautiful face! Stand strong women!

Dating Disasters, Tattoos and Ass Cracks

I enjoy reading immensely! I call it an addiction and am in severe need of an intervention with a long stint in rehab. I have read 12 books in the last three weeks. Yea I told you it was severe.

I always wanted to write a book. I have even started some but never quite finished. Mostly from fear that it wouldn't be anything I would want someone to read. Until now...

I have a friend who seperated two years ago from her husband of.. well forever it seems. Since her seperation she has had some horrendous dating experiences. She is basically a hot mess when it comes to men. Her newest foray is into the world of younger men. Can't really say she is having the best of luck with this endeavor of cradle robbing but she still does it, lol!

She just started dating this guy who is about 6 years younger than she. She has been dating him for around a week. A long time right? Long enough for her to meet almost his entire family! She was even invited to his 12 yr old sisters weekly softball game, then dinner at grandma's house afterwards! I choked on my laughter when she told me all of this. I asked her when they were getting engaged, of course she snarffed at me. But the truth is, me best friend gets sucked into some ridonkulous relationships.

She always asks for my advice on relationships and life in general. Does she actually heed my advice? No NOT AT ALL! But months down the road when my advice turns out to be truth, she skulks back saying I was right all along! You would think years of my advice being right she would follow it at some point. Nope. But I love her all the same. We all have our downfalls. Hers happens to be douchebags who suffer from mommy syndrome. They suck her into a warp speed relationship to basically have a mother figure take care of them. Forget getting a job and being a man, just let the gf take care of everything!

So, with her ridonkulous experiences that happen to no one else in the known universe, we both thought it would be a funny idea to write a book about her junky ass relationship disasters! I'm thinking it's going to be along the lines of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series. The kind of humorous and flat out never-could-happen-to-anyone kinda story. She will be the bleached blonde, tattoo artist, with multiple peircings and an ass crack that likes to make special appearances! OMG, I am cracking myself up as I am writing all of this. I can only imagine what her story will be like in written form. Of course the story will be loosley based on true events, but in general her experiences are hilarious with out any tweaking or stretching of the truth!

It's gonna be a fun endeavor and I really hope something comes of it. It's hilarious and sad! You want to feel sorry for her and then you want to slap her silly! But you will love her none the less.
I could totally write all night about her dating disasters. But I should hold off.

Stay tuned, we might just have another crazy disaster to add to this!

Spring brings on the blues...

Spring is here and with it, it should bring about new beginnings. A freshness to life! Awe! All of these things and more. Yea, hardly! I am in a funk. A major funk. For those of you that don't know, I suffer from depression.

I have suffered with depression for nearly all my life. My brain is junk when it comes to happy-feel-good juices a flowin' and right now it's drip dryin' in there. It all started when I missed an appointment to see my doc. So they decided to withhold my meds and force me to go to group therapy. I just have to say one thing first about group therapy. I was the only sane one in the whole room! WTF is that all about! Another thing, I was the only one that had never been arrested or incarcerated. Talk about scary. Why the heck did they put ME in THAT group therapy?

So after about the fourth day of no meds, me bitching and screaming at everything including the walls, I broke down and called my doc and told her to get me meds ASAP. I told her I was on the verge of being homicidal and suicidal. Of course I wasn't (nor have I ever been) that far gone, but it definately got them moving on getting my script. I seriously contemplated walking into the clinic with my hair messy and my makeup smeared, just to prove the point of not taking my crazy meds away. But I don't think it would have had much affect, considering the "peers" in group!

Let me just, explain why I was in such a frenzy for my crazy meds. The first day without was ok. I was fine, normal. No uncontrollable weeping, no bouts of anger. No sitting in the bedroom thinking my life is the pits. Come the second day, all hell breaks lose and I was a neurotic mess. Nothing fits right, nothing feels right. I was seriously having Doomsday scenarios running through my head. CW hated me. No one wanted to talk to me. I can't blame them, it was a sad pity party on my behalf. Every conversation was basically this :

phone rings

"WHAT!?"

"Umm, hello to you too. What's going on?"

"MY LIFE IS SHITTY AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!"

silence

"I HATE PEOPLE!"

click

Do I blame them, hell no. I would react in the same manner. What can I say, I admit I was crazola! The third day, was even worse. I didn't want to get out of bed and I definately did not want to tend to things that needed tending. I wanted to wallow in my stupid self pity and my idiotic internal ravings, ok some where definately external, but for the most part I kept my crazed mouth shut so as to not completely freak myself out!

After I get my script for my meds, I tried to make a beeline to the pharmacy. I was super pumped about getting my crazy lady dope and sat there thinking about how things would be so much better. Until I found out that for a measely eight little pills they were going to charge me a whopping $40 bucks. Umm, hello! Crazy lady right here!? DO NOT tell a fragile woman that her crazy lady dope costs $40 bucks!

I went home in a far less happy place than I was when I thought I was gonna get my feel good pills. I moped around the house, pouting, screaming and raising all kinds of hell because nothing was to my satisfaction. Mostly the dissatisfaction was with myself. As I was shoving crap around in my wreck of a house ( I don't do housework when I am in a funk, yea yea yea, I know it makes you feel worse but who cares, I didn't ) and low and behold I find a bottle of crazy lady pills! Oh joy! Be still my beating heart! SAVE! Now don't ask me how or why those pills were where they were but they were. I was on cloud nine! I was about to get my fix and be normal!

I took my pills and two days later I was fixed. Functioning and no psycho babble oozing from my lips. It just goes to show, that I cannot go back to how I was. I really for a long time tried to trick myself into believing that I could be a functioning person with depression. I didn't need meds. Pfftt!!! Oh yes I DO! If I was anything like I was the last few days I should have been taking meds since birth! Me functioning with depression is like saying a crackhead can function with their addiction. That isn't a really well thought out statement. Crackheads don't function!

I am still having some of the Doomsday thoughts. I have been super excited about photography for so long and its just gotten to the point that I feel like its all fruitless. Why am I trying to do something I love so much, something I have talent in, just to be skipped over for the next Dick or Jane who wields a camera. I guess art isn't really about talent or creativeness anymore. It's all about who you know. Pfffttt... sorry but if you wanna pay money for crappy work go for it. Who am I to stop you!? But needless to say, its been a thought in the back of my head that I am just not cut out for the cutthroat world of photography. Especially portraiture photography. Apparently anyone who owns a camera nowadays is a photographer. They don't have to be good. They can edit the hell out of some photos and turn people green and SHABAM! photography!

UGH! It just puts me in a funk thinking about it. No don't get me wrong.....they have some PHENOMENAL photographers out there, and I am in no way trying to compete with these people. I am not even close to being able to compete with these people. I just pisses me off that out of all the people claiming to be photographers, I am the one that gets skipped over when it comes to making money! UGH!

I have people contact me at least once a week about wanting to get some photos done. Of course I get super excited. A chance for me to do what I love!! I then tell them my prices and thats where it ends. Now I have done my research. I have looked at the local photographers and those not so local. I have looked at the photographers that are making a living and those that aren't. I have compared my work to phenomenal photographers and some not so phenomenal photographers. My prices are fair, especially considering the amount of work I put into them. My work is beautiful, to myself and to a few people who love what I do. But that's about as far as it goes. PEOPLE!! I don't work for free! I am sure you wouldn't be going to work for no money! I won't do the same. This world isn't free sweeties! You want a frappucino, you gotta pay for it. Same for my work. Just remember next time you are looking for a photographer, base it on talent and artistic ability before you judge it based on the price tag. Because you get what you pay for! It's like designer handbags. You gotta pay money for the good stuff! You pay $50 bucks for a Dooney and Bourke you are more likely getting a Booney and Dourke. Same for photography!

Anyway enough of my ranting. I just had to spill it all out somewhere. Not too many people to talk to about your pitifulness at 3:40 in the morning. So I leave it all here. Not that I imagine many people will be reading this, it might be too candid. But who cares? Right people judge you no matter what. Might as well put it all out there ..